Naruto's New Clothes
by Hikari Midori-chan
Summary: Naruto decides to wear something other than his orange and blue jacket. What happens when he also decides to show of his new clothes? Oneshot R&R please! Ch. 2 Update Info
1. Chapter 1

This is just an idea for a one-shot that popped into my head one morning when I was thinking about how hideous some of the clothes on Naruto are. I remembered how much some styles bothered me, so I decided to make Naruto rant about the fashions of the other characters.

Some of the things aren't my opinions because I like Shino and Neji's clothes but I needed something to criticize for everyone. SORRY IF YOU LIKE ANYONE'S CLOTHES THAT I MADE FUN OF! It's some good clean fun. I'm sure there are at least _some _parts of the Naruto attires that bother you, so...yeah.

Anyway,it's just a cover up because I need more time to update myother story. (That is, if anyone who's reading my other story is reading this one as well) Enjoy this short little ficlet of my own imagination.

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.

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Naruto stared down at his outfit one morning. It suddenly hit him. His clothes were ORANGE and DARK BLUE. And BAGGY. And a complete violation of the unwritten constitution of fashion. So he decided to change it. But what else did he have around this establishment he called home?

He opened his closet. Orange jacket. Orange jacket. Orange jacket. Orange tuxedo. Orange…orange…orange…or—wait. Huh? Not orange. Or blue. Oh yeah. He remembered where he got this. Just before Jiraiya took him to train and after Sasuke almost died to his brother. Again.

He unhooked the attire from the hanger and slipped it on. He looked in the mirror. Hey, why not go all out? He took his forehead protector off his head and placed it in a different spot. There we go.

Naruto stepped out the door and inhaled the fresh, unpolluted air. Look out world, here he came.

He strolled down the streets of Konoha cheerfully with a spring in his step. Today was oh so GLORIOUS.

"Hey Sakura-chan!" Naruto called, waving. His team minus Kakashi was standing on the bridge idly.

Sakura got one look at Naruto and screamed for about ten seconds. "What _are _you wearing?"

"Isn't it great?" Naruto asked.

"NO! I think I'm blind!"

Sasuke glanced at Naruto. "What the-that's just about the ugliest thing I've ever seen! I thought it looked bad before Naruto put it on! AH!" Of course, that was what he said in his head. What he really said was, "Was your goal to look even more idiotic than usual?"

Steam flew out of Naruto's ears. "Shows what _you _know, Uchiha Fan!"

"It's a symbol of my clan," Sasuke growled with angst. "I'm _supposed _to wear it, baka."

"And what's with your gigantic collar anyway?" Naruto continued. "You have to have a big, stupid collar! I mean, if the fan on everything you own isn't enough! You might as well put fans on your kunai and shuriken while you're at it!"

"Shut up," Sasuke ordered. He noted in his head to do that later.

"Don't tell me what to do!"

"Naruto! That's enough!" Sakura hissed. "Sasuke is _not _unfashionable!"

"Well what about _you_?" Naruto snapped. "You wear a dress!"

"I _am _a girl, you know, baka!"

"Yeah, well _ninjas _don't wear long dresses in life and death battles! Geez, Sakura-chan! Someone could just flip that front part over hour head and then I'd have to save you again! And your _hair_! Did you dye it or something? Whose hair is _naturally _light pink?"

"_Excuse _me?"

"Yo. Sorry I'm late. I—"

"STOP STEALING HAIR GEL!" Naruto hollered. He stomped off.

"…"

"…"

"What was he wearing?"

Naruto was exhilarated after ranting about his teammates' and sensei's style flaws. The next person he came up to, he'd—

A loud, exuberant laughing split the air followed with barking.

"I know!" Kiba snorted. "It _is _ridiculous Akamaru!"

Kiba and his team ran into Naruto. Kiba was cracking up, Hinata was blushing because she was standing within a mile of Naruto, Kurenai was standing there silently, and Shino was standing there with a look on his face that nobody could actually see or believe he was making it.

"Hey! I don't make fun of your incredibly lame and bizarre jacket!" Naruto exclaimed. "Where did you dig that thing up anyway? A dumpster? It has fur _cuffs _and a fur _lining _on the _hood_! Who wears that?"

Kiba looked completely mortified.

Akamaru barked some things at Naruto that wouldn't be very nice to translate.

"And what's with you? You look like you have _eyebrows _sometimes! And you can actually look like you're _smiling_! Dogs can't smile! What's up with that?" Naruto shouted as he continued to be completely out of character.

"I-I don't th-think Kiba-kun and Akamaru-kun m-mean a-anything—"

"Hinata, you—" He stared at her clothes for two minutes. "Uh, never mind. But why do you stutter all the time? Stop stuttering! It gets really weird!"

Hinata squeaked. "I-I'm s-sorry."

Naruto sighed exasperatedly.

Hinata went to cry in the corner of her mind because Naruto was mad at her. Of course Naruto had no idea because he was dim and it was in her mind.

"Naruto, this is awfully ridiculous," Kurenai said. "I don't know what Kakashi teaches you, but—"

"Why are you fighting in such a short dress?" Naruto demanded. "I mean, it is so revealing! Aren't ninjas supposed to be covering everything so they don't get hurt as easily? You're a JOUNIN! And why don't you wear I jounin vest? You should!"

"_Well_," was all Kurenai could muster.

"Why are you poking fun at my team?" Shino asked calmly.

"And _you_," Naruto said darkly.

"Me?" Shino said, slightly taken aback by Naruto's tone.

"What's with _your _jacket? It's got a bigger collar than SASUKE! And you're hair is like an afro! Did you steal Kakashi-sensei's hair gel that he stole from an unknown source? SHEESH!" he ran off.

"…That was disturbing," Shino remarked. He turned to his team. Kiba was pouting and mumbling unpleasant things about Naruto while Akamaru hid in his jacket and tried to conceal his face, Hinata was sitting in fetal position and saying that she was in her happy place with a happy Naruto under her breath, and Kurenai was pulling down her dress a little to cover more of her legs. "…"

Naruto decided that he wanted to have some ramen at Ichiraku and after criticizing more peoples' clothing, the bar was thoroughly empty except for Naruto and the people who worked there who were hiding in the back because they didn't' want Naruto to be mean to them and telling them their clothes were all dirty and greasy because they obviously _worked _there at the _restaurant _with _food _like _ramen _so of course they'd be dirty and greasy but it still wasn't very nice of Naruto to criticize the clothes of the people who served him his all-time favorite food in the world so he wouldn't die of starvation. GASP. Breathe.

"What a fashion _don't_."

Naruto looked up with multiple strings of ramen in his mouth. "Huh?"

Ino was staring at him in disgust. Her two teammates were standing behind her like cronies. Asuma was ordering ramen for them like a servant. Or father. "As if a few people wearing it aren't enough, but now they're forming an association? How sad."

Naruto made a face. "Well, at least I don't have an uneven strand of hair in my face all the time. And you know what else? Your clothes are really skimpy! What happens if a kunai cuts across your clothes, huh? It wouldn't be good, would it? And why do you have a bunch of bandages all over your body anyway?"

Ino glared at him. "It's called _style_." She put her hands on her hips while pulling her shirt down over her stomach. "Something _you _don't have!"

"He's sort of right, you know," Shikamaru said in a bored tone. "I've been telling you that for quite some time."

"You should talk!" Naruto put in for no apparent reason. "What's with your hair? Does it automatically stick up there or something? Why not get a haircut? I bet it's almost as long as Kakashi-sensei's! What, is it too troublesome to get a haircut?"

Shikamaru stared at him. "Yes."

Chouji crunched loudly. For some reason that bothered Naruto. A lot.

"Do you ever stop eating? And has there ever been a longer scarf? Why do you go around wearing that anyway? Is it cold or something? And what's with your hat thingy? Is it _supposed _to look like underwear? And those swirls on your cheeks! You could've at _least _done something cool like Kiba's line things!" (A/N: And look at Naruto with his oh so awesome whiskers. Oo)

Chouji continued to eat, but more furiously. "Hey! Stop making fun of me!"

"I got the ram—Naruto? Is that what I think it is?" Asuma questioned, looking Naruto up and down.

"DON'T TALK TO ME, SMOKER! Haven't you ever talked to the Tobacco Guy? Smoking is bad for the lungs and the air!" Naruto jabbed his finger at Asuma accusingly as if he was the reason for air pollution. And you know what? He probably was.

Naruto stormed out of the Ichiraku Ramen Shop. Then he came back, slurped up the rest of his ramen, wiped his mouth, eyed the stunned team, and ran off again.

"What a complete baka!" Ino hugged, blowing the long strand of hair out of her face. "There is nothing wrong with my hair!"

Naruto saw Neji standing there obliviously staring down at the lake on a bridge in deep thought. (A/N: There _may _be another bridge in Konoha, okay? Let's use our IMAGINATIONS.)

_I hate the Main House and Hiashi. They will all die soon. Then who will be the one laughing? They will pay for what they've done to me. I swear it. I will avenge my father. I will—_

"Hey Hyuuga!"

"What?" Neji growled. "I was deep in thought." He looked up from the lake even though he didn't have to. Or want to. His eye twitched.

"Like the new outfit?" Naruto struck a pose.

Neji winced. "I've got deja-vu." He shook his head.

"Oh yeah?" Naruto challenged, taking what Neji said as an insult because what usually says is usually an insult. "Well, do you keep your hair long for a reason?"

"What? Everyone knows that my clan wears their hair long," Neji said, narrowing his eyes and taking Naruto's insult for an insult. Such a smart boy. "Why are you questioning the style of my clan?"

"What about Hinata's hair, huh?"

"How should I know why my cousin chose to wear her hair short? Probably because she was allowed to for she's in the Main House." He clenched his fist and his face got dark so you couldn't see his eyes.

"And your jacket! It's so clean and white!"

That was lame. "Hyuuga's _do _wear white clothes and I don't want to go around smelling like a wet dog!"

ON ANOTHER SIDE OF KONOHA…

"What's wrong, Kiba?" Kurenai asked.

"I fell…a disturbance."

BACK TO THE BRIDGE THAT SAKURA AND SASUKE AREN'T STILL WAITING ON…

"It looks like a life jacket with all those straps!"

"What are you talking about?"

"WHATEVER!" Naruto said childishly, putting his hand up as a signal for Neji to talk to the hand. "I'm out of here."

Neji just stood there with a shocked look on his face. Then he attempted to melt a hole in the back of Naruto's head. Sadly, Byakugan only lets you see through things, not shoot lasers through them.

Tenten was sitting on her front step, twirling a kunai absentmindedly and reading a scroll. A perfect victim of Naruto's rage. He was really pumped now.

He stood in front of her and stared down at her, thinking of what is wrong with her garments.

Tenten looked up and smiled uncertainly. "Hi Naruto…what's with your clothes?"

"Your shirt is pink."

"What?"

"And yellow and red."

"My shirt?" She looked down at her shirt. "Uh…yeah it is."

"Well, I thought you were supposed to be some kind of tomboy. You're wearing pink."

"And what's wrong with wearing pink?" Tenten demanded. "Hey you should talk. Have you looked at what _you're_ wearing?"

"I think I look good thank you," Naruto said angrily. "But I suggest you go home and change!"

"One, I am home," Tenten shot back. "And two you should take your own advice!" She stomped inside her house and slammed the door.

Naruto shrugged and frolicked off. He saw the two twin of Konoha sitting in a nice grassy meadow that he never knew Konoha had. He decided to go over and join them, whatever they were doing.

Gai and Lee sensed him a mile away. They jumped off at the same time and greeted him. "Hello Naruto (-san)!"

"Hey bushy brows!"

"Great jump suit, Naruto!" Lee exclaimed, giving him the nice guy pose.

"Indeed!" Gai agreed enthusiastically. "I was wondering when you would wear that!"

"Yeah!" Naruto laughed. "You know what? Everyone else thought it was ridiculous!"

The three spandex-wearers had a good-natured laugh about that. Those silly delusional fashion victims.

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Thanks for reading! R&R please! I'll update the other fic soon, I promise!

P.S.I couldn't really think of anything for Hinata. Her clothes don't really have anything funny about it...at least I don't think.

Do you think I should write some kind of sequel? If anyone wants me to, I think I can cook something up. And again, R&R!

-TTF


	2. New Story

To everyone who read this story and put it on story alert (you know who you are) then I'm happy to say that the sequel for Naruto's New Clothes is completed! Go to my profile and click on it unless you happen to want to just go to search and type in "Naruto's New Hair". Thank you!


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